WIDE

Thursday, May 7, 2009, 5:59 PM

Trust is a big issue . And it seems like thats the only thing i'll never be able to give to you .
Trust is a big issue in a relationship . And if i cant give that to you , why continue .
I still held on knowing that i love you whole heartedly , i cant let go knowing that i gave you my heat my soul my all .
You made me this way , you want me to let go . I dont think so . I want you to decide yourself whats best for you whats best for us . If i've known falling in love would be this heart , i'll never want to take the chance to fall in love again on 24 october when i met you . I should have kept my mind off you . I'm not saying that knowing you was all a mistake .
Im just saying that , i should never take the risk of falling in love when i know whats the result i'll get in the end .
I didnt know what i got myself into . Heartbreak after another heartbreak . But i dont know why i still held on and continue , i guess this time , i'm dead inside . I've lost the sense of being hurt , the cut in my heart will never be healed . I'm used to it already . You made me love you more and more deeply . I guess , you'll never know wads the real meaning of sacrificing for your loved ones . I just have to brace myself for another heartbreak that i'll face sooner or latter , cos i'm willing to give this heart to you for you to crush for you to tear for you to cut for you to break . There's just to many thing i'm willing to do for you . But when it comes to me , you're not willing to do so . I just hate how selfish you can be , being in love takes two parties to make a sacrifice for the both parties . You're just selfish to even think of urself , have you even spare a thought atleast not for uself but for me as well . I dont think so . If you think this relationship is about urself alone , than i dont think you need me anymore . If this is too much for you to handle , such a troublesome person for you to handle , let me go . Just so you know , i still love you . I'm still hoping for the thing which i post on 13 April . Like i said it'll never happen . It really didnt . How devastated can a girl feel ? If only loving someone dosent have to be so painful i'll be the first to be in love . Loving someone is really really hard . The almost past six months were unimaginable , amazing but at times it was hurtful . I just want the happy moments to stay , i wish .
You wont be there to catch me when i fall . You wont . never .
This thought of me thinking about this is really suicidal . Its a dead end problem , and i dont really know how to fix this anymore .

This will be the last i'm blogging until next next week cos of exams .
Sorrie for the long post .

I'll be on a HIATUS .

Labels: heart-ripping